Wedding

I am WAY behind in writing about our happenings here in Kigali. I will to catch up a bit by filling in the highlights. Emily came back from RVA on March 28 and we had a great month with her. The following is about her first day home. It is longer than what I normally like to post but hopefully somewhat interesting!

Emily was REALLY tired but glad to be here. The day before leaving RVA, all the dorms have clean up and packing jobs. Obviously, they have to pack up everything and get it put into the storage room and then wash everything in the dorm really well. Since everything is packed, including bedding, Emily’s dorm girls have a tradition of just staying up all night watching movies. The RVA bus was leaving Kijabe to go to the airport around 4 a.m. anyway so it hardly seemed worth it to go to bed, right? The problem with the bus is that it takes a full load of students to the airport but they are on a variety of flights. So even if your flight isn’t until noon, you still have to get up and out by 4 a.m.! Fortunately for Emily this time around, her flight was one of the earlier ones so they didn’t have to wait around too long. She said that RVA gave them a “boxed breakfast” with cinnamon rolls and juice and maybe a yogurt, I forget. So, that was nice.

After chatting for a bit and looking at pictures, Emily went in to take a nap. Mark and I headed off to a wedding! The cousin of one of our friends here, Alexis, was getting married and Alexis invited us to the wedding. We were excited to have the opportunity go to a Rwandan wedding. There is a traditional dress that the women attending weddings (and other special occasions) wear but I didn’t have one. Myriam wasn’t going to the wedding because of her kids so she offered for me to borrow one of her outfits. It is basically a full length skirt and then a long matching piece of cloth that you wrap around like a towel but it goes under one arm and up and ties at the other shoulder. So, it just drapes down from the one shoulder. A camisole or tank top type shirt is worn under the draping the cloth. The one Myriam loaned me was really pretty: a royal blue lace with sequin all over it. When I buy one, I will not get that type but rather one that is more flowing and lightweight. Hers was very heavy with all the sequins. But, I was dressed appropriately. Mark actually wore his sport coat with a shirt and tie.

We went to the wedding with Gilles and Bruce (their wives stayed home with the kids) and they said it was just a short 10 minute walk down the hill to the church. We had never just walked down the hill; we usually go to the main road. Unfortunately, it was an extremely clear day, with nary a cloud in the sky which here in Africa makes for very intense sunshine. In other words, it was a really hot day! We started down a “road” but it was too narrow for a car. We walked past some houses and then Gilles and Bruce had a discussion about which way to go. We ended up backtracking a bit and walking on a path between more houses and down another “road” and past more houses – all the time going downhill. It turned out to be more than a short 10 minute walk – I think we walked about 30 minutes but maybe they walked slower because of me. I have shorter legs and I was in a long dress. By the time we got to church we were 15 or 20 minutes late but we were escorted to benches up near the front and still waited 10 – 20 minutes for the wedding to start.

Once the wedding started, it was pretty much like an American wedding. The family was escorted in and then the bridal party and the bride. Mark was able to get some pictures of the bride as she came down the aisle – but wait! There were two brides! Did he get pictures of the right one? Turns out, he did! Come to find out, to save money Rwandans often share the church/pastor/choir/ etc. for their wedding ceremonies. Not a bad idea. Instead of the bride and groom standing in the front during the ceremony, they had chairs for them to sit in during the music, sermon, etc. When they took an active role (ie: exchanging vows and rings, etc.) they stood up. One very annoying part of weddings that we’ve been to in Kenya and now this one, has been the photographers. Because this one was a double wedding, there were double the photographers/videographers. These fellows were not at all shy about getting the best picture which meant they surrounded the bride and groom so completely that none of the guests could see a thing other than the backs of the photographers! And then, some of the guests and family wanted pictures so they just went right up front and crowded in to get their pictures! It reminded me of paparazzi! The cutest, though, was a small boy, probably about 6 or 7 who wanted to get a picture. He went right up there with the rest of them. He kept looking back at his family for confirmation. Very cute fellow.

Well, the ceremony, which was all in Kinyarwanda, was about an hour and a half – prolonged by having to have two exchanging of vows and all. (Fortunately, there was only one sermon!) After we all went out of the church, it was explained to us that the bride and groom would be heading off to get photos taken in town. There is large roundabout downtown with a statue and fairly nice landscaping that is very popular for taking wedding photos. (It is unofficially known as the “wedding photo roundabout” when giving directions.) They were due back to the reception in 1 ½ - 2 hours. Bruce and Gilles opted to stick around and socialize but since Emily had just arrived, I wanted to go home and wait. However, we weren’t sure we’d be able to find our back up the hill! Alexis said, “No problem!” His son could escort us back up the hill. So we headed back up the hill with a 10 year old guiding us. We know the shortest distance is, “as the crow flies” – well, the path this little guy took was “as the water flows”! We literally walked back up drainage areas (dry – remember I said it was a really hot day) between houses and gardens, one time even going under someone’s clothes hanging on a line! No one seemed to mind us cutting through their yard and many greeted us but most just stared. A few greeted our guide by name although his name has slipped my mind.

By the time we got home, remember it was all uphill this time and still quite hot and I had on a heavy dress, I was dripping! I took a shower – my 2nd for the day! Emily was awake and decided to go back with us to the reception. When we got a phone call from Bruce saying that the bride and groom were on their way back, we put our wedding clothes back on and got in the car and drove back to the church (using the main roads – not as direct but easier).

We arrived just before the bride and groom. We were led back inside the church which had been rearranged a bit for the reception. The reception was only for the couple we were there to see – the other couple had their reception somewhere else. At the front of the church was a table for the bride, groom, maid of honor and best man. They were facing the guests. Next, on both sides of the church, several rows of benches were replaced with plastic chairs facing the middle. These were for the families: his family on one side and hers on the other. The rest of the regular church benches were arranged as normal for the guests. Also up front was the cake. Here, instead of stacking the cake tiers on top of each other, they have a metal stand type of thing and each cake layer is on its own platform. The whole thing was covered with netting to keep the flies off. We sat on the groom’s side, on the benches but close to the family section.

After most of the guests were seated, the bride and groom were announced and came in. They did the SLOW processional this time (and it was a large church). At weddings at Rethy, they did this same processional. It’s pretty much two tiny steps forward, one step back. The whole time there was music and cheering and excitement all around. During the reception the father of the groom (or his representative) gave a long speech welcoming the bride’s family. Then the bride’s father (or representative) reciprocated with a long speech. The groom’s father and mother offered sodas to the bride’s father and mother and they drank a little bit together. After a lot of talking and hand shaking and soda drinking, sodas were passed around to all the family members and eventually to the guests. Pretty much the entire reception was one speech after another and since it was all in Kinyarwanda, we don’t really know what was being said but basically the families were welcoming each other and telling what the bride price was and what their gifts were to the new couple. Occasionally the bride and groom stood up and acknowledged what was being said. There was a master of ceremonies who was in charge and there was a choir that sang periodically.

When it was time for the cake to be cut, our friend, Alexis, excitedly motioned for Bruce to go up front. They wanted him to open the “champagne”. It was actually sparkling cider but Bruce did it with great flourish – shaking the bottle well and letting the bubbles flow all around. Before cutting the cake, there were sparkling candles in the cake that were lit. We found out later that this represents cooking their first meal for guests. Also, as the bride and groom went up to cut the cake, a couple of ladies stood behind them and sprayed shaving cream that showered around them – probably bubbles would have been a bit better… We found out that this represents---ahh, umm--, we forget what the shaving cream represented. When the cake was finally cut, the bride and groom took platters full of pieces of cake around to each of their family members. This represents their first show of hospitality as a couple. By this time we were thinking a little piece of cake sounded good but, alas, it wasn’t served to the guests – only family.

Following the cake ceremony was the gift giving. The families went first and made big speeches as they went up and presented their gift to the new couple. (One thing we’ve discovered in church is that Rwandans aren’t afraid of microphones or being in front of a crowd!) Fortunately, all the cows and goats that were being given were not actually present at the church! By this time, the speeches had been going on for quite awhile and a couple different people approached the MC and told him to hurry things along a bit! The choir (who all got cake, I might add) was looking particularly interested in heading home. Finally, it was the choir’s turn to present their gift and give their speech. Bruce and Gilles had slipped out by this time but we still had our gift and weren’t sure what to do it with it. Mark talked with Alexis and asked if he was going to have to speech when we gave our gift but Alexis said he would speak on our behalf. Mark was a bit relieved. Since we had no idea what people were saying, it was difficult to know what would be a culturally appropriate gift-giving speech – especially since we had never met the couple before. Eventually Alexis motioned to us and told us to get in the gift giving line. We made our way up to the front and Alexis took the mic. He gave a nice little speech, introducing us to the family. We really don’t know what he said but it was met with approval as there were several “Ehs” and nodding of heads and at the end we received some cheers and a round of applause. We then went up to the exhausted looking bride and groom, gave our gift and our attempts of greetings and hugs.

We were now free to leave. The church, which had been fairly full, was now quite sparsely occupied as people were heading for home and dinner. It was after dark already. As we were getting into our car, we were asked to drop off some of the family members which we were happy to help with. By the time we got home, we were hot, hungry and tired. Emily was a trooper and survived the whole event. Our understanding is that the family gift giving and speech making would continue on for quite a long time...